Yesterday I wrote about my first month anniversary post. I focused on the practical side ending with the emotional high of reading the first statistics. Realising that someone, somebodies, were reading my blog.
But there is another side too. I’ve opened myself up to the whole world. They can throw whatever words they want at me and, of course, these words will create a reaction in me.
Words can be positive, uplifting. Words can be the opposite and evoke negative sentiments if I allow them to. Fortunately blogs are set up so you can moderate them. It is my space. I decide what gets publicly displayed on my blog but I read ALL the comments – posted or not.
(Image downloaded from here!)
With my blog I have been blown away by the positive feedback. Much of it by email. Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the support. This is such an unexpected side of blogging. I am reminded how wonderful people generally are. Everywhere. In reality and in cyber space.
I feel I live my life pretty much moseying along. Just doing what I like to do. If I want to travel, I buy a ticket, pack my backpack and go. I find travelling companions on the way. If I don’t like my job I find a new one – or not and just live life adventurously instead. If I think the housing market is going to decline, I sell my house (phew – just in time). Simple, straight forward. Lots of adventures.They are my adventures but everyone is having adventures! Everyone has adventures! I am the same as everyone else.
So when people write glowing comments about me I am somewhat taken aback. Is this REALLY about me?? Wow – that’s so nice. Ummm…… embarrassed shuffle…… Are these words really what someone thinks of me? I feel an uncomfortableness but also this intense emotional contentment. Everyone loves receiving praise. I’m one of everyone!!
I find it hard to acknowledge this praise as it seems as if it doesn’t relate to me – but this is something I am having intense “Universe coaching” in this year. Thank you to all those lovely people for the wonderful feedback. It makes me feel very special to be connected with such nice people who take the time to support me. I appreciate your time, praise and opinions. Mucho gracias!
Here are some examples:
“Just believe in you FF. I know little about your life since school days but it seems that you may not realise the wonderful person that you are. Your experience and insight could help a lot of folks but at the same time I understand your hesitation at jumping into it! Not something to be done on a whim!”
[Guess what age group this person comes from??!!?? See my penultimate blog post.]
“Be bold as love. You are naturally gifted, a natural role model! Many people can’t see what you see and are too scared to try the things that you try. They dont understand the power that they have!
You can help show them that life is too short to waste and that they need to be satisfied when taking their last breath, that they lived it well with passion, grace and fire! “
[Wow – role model?? Me? I just do what I want to. But thank you.
And I agree totally that life is too short to waste. One “trick” I use to make decisions, when they involve money and emotions, I project myself to when I am 90 (it used to be 80 but now at 50+ 80 seems tooooo close!) and then think back to now, when I am making a tricky decision. “What would I think when I’m 90? Would I think I made a foolish decision? Did I miss a golden opportunity? Did I let money cloud my decisions and “force” me to make a poor decision? Would I look back and say I missed an experience of a life time; a love missed, a mountain not climbed, a project not started, a passion not followed?”. This takes the money charge out of the decision making. I find it’s easier to make a more satisfying long term decision this way – not a short term, knee jerk reaction. Life is too short not just to jump and trust the net will catch you – the net which is there but you can’t see.”]
But then there is the other side. So far I’ve only had one comment I have chosen not to post as I interpreted it as being of a more intimate tendency and that’s not what I want. But I’m going to post a portion of it so you can see share my roller coaster ride.
This American guy wrote (parts only): “Fiona is living her dream that took her entire life to find. She’s fearless and entrepreneurial to the core……… I’m tempted to move to NSW to help her with my agricultural background. I’ve been waiting to meet someone like her. Nothing gets in her way…she’s motivated and ultimately wonderful.”
I wrote back saying that I felt his words had personal innuendoes. His response was fiery. I was shocked. I seemed to have TOTALLY misinterpreted “I’ve been waiting to meet someone like her.”. It seems as if in the States this is a casual comment as he replied (parts only): “Please…don’t flatter yourself……Sometimes I dislike the internet…people have large egos and I forget that occasionally. You are in my past now…I live in the moment…you can post anything I say. I say what I know…you interpret it how you want to…. Good Bye forever…..”.
I was a little taken aback by all this. I have had email conversations across the world with almost strangers for various reasons before and they have always been delightful and positive interactions. Some have resulted in lasting, wonderful friendships and trips to foreign lands. I never excepted such communications. I must be naive. Or am I exactly what this guy says? Do I have a large ego? Am I flattering myself? Am I writing as if I am in desperate need of help? I don’t feel helpless (unlearned, yes; in need of help, no) at all but am I projecting this?
I’ve sat on this comment for days. Turning it over in my head. Of course I have a choice how I respond to this. But can I learn from it as well? What can I learn?
One thing I have learnt is to be like this guy – “I live in the moment” – knowing that what he said doesn’t have to effect me now. I get to choose my response. What else I learned was I don’t want to over react to responses, which I interpret as not consistent with my chosen direction, in a negative way.
I need to be mindful of what I write – hoping that it won’t be misinterpreted. I need to keep a distance between my content and comments.
This interaction reminded me my blog can potentially be read by any nationality – people whose native language is not English. Thoughts of how I have misunderstood or misinterpreted Spanish due to my lack of competency fly through my head. I also know that despite “English” speaking countries speak “English” each country now has its own understandings and ways of expressing things which can be different to another country. Misunderstandings can arise from language and cultural viewpoints.
I learned I want to definitely be me, to write what I feel and experience but with a slight note of caution there. I learned that another person’s comments means that their comment is their worldview. If it is wonderful, that person’s worldview aligns with mine. If I don’t classify a comment as postable, then that person’s worldview doesn’t align with mine. They are not right or wrong. Nor am I right or wrong. Our world views just don’t align. It is my blog. I get to choose the worldview. Simple (but I went through lots of emotional turmoil to get to this “Simple”!!!).
Thanks American commentor for making me consider all this within the first month of my blog.
Starting my blog has been such a great experience. I have learnt HEAPS about technology and this new medium of blogging. My techno vocabulary has expanded. I am overwhelmed by the possibilities that are available. I had no idea. And, I know it will take me months to get a real handle on this medium.
I am still absorbed by learning the basics and posting and getting into the rhythm of finding time to create my posts, in amongst the other happenings of my life. I haven’t yet expanded out and looked at what other people are blogging. I should as the glimpses I have had show me what great minds and souls are out there – plus sheer writing talent and passion. I could learn from them. It will be nice when I connect with them.
Thanks to everyone who is following me. Your absent presence is very felt and appreciate. And thanks to those of you who have passed without comment or following. You are welcomed and you are an inspiring number on my statistics. Thanks!
¡¡Muchas gracias a todos!! Thank you everyone!!
What an exciting journey of learning.